A personal journey of being removed from family and culture and living with bi-polar

by

Doris Kartinyeri

Abstract

To Share life experience of being an Aboriginal woman removed from her family, land, culture and living with the effects of Bi-Polar disorder.

Growing up in Colebrook institution and Non-Aboriginal faster care.

Effects on whole family

Supports and no supports

My Journey of healing through writing

Presentation

I am a fifty eight old Ngarrindgeri woman from Raukkan on the shores of Lake Alexandrina in South Australia; I am a member of the Stolen Generation. I was taken from my family at the tender age of one month and was placed into Colebrook Home. A memorial has now been established on the Colebrook site in memory of all the parents and children affected by the policies of removal of Aboriginal children from their families. I received very little education and barley made it through to high school where I was told I was not doing well. When I left school at 14 years of age I was put to work as a domestic servant with two white families with no income, I was not only torn from my natural family but now isolated from my Colebrook family.

I grieve the loss of my mother who died without dignity, On leaning how she was driven on the back of a Ute many miles away from Raukkan to Murray Bridge hospital, I was deeply saddened, my mother was buried with no dignity soon after her death from complications following my birth. Her body was transported back to Raukkan in a Ute from Murray Bridge for her burial.

My family was traumatized by the loss of my mother and then the loss of me. I was told my Grandmother Sally wailed for me for many months, wondering if I had black curly hair like Connie. My father searched for me with frustration for many months. I have reconnected with my eldest sister Dr Doreen Kartinyeri, who through her courage and strength has become my mentor.

In 1983 I had my first bout of mental illness and it wasn’t until years later I was diagnosed with Bipolar, mood swing disorder, in other words manic depressive. All this time I was receiving psychiatric treatment through the doctor I didn’t know I had Bipolar.

This can be a real stigma, because I had no support at all, I had to deal with my illness by myself, most of the time I was pretty well isolated especially when I became very sick, it can be pretty scary to have this illness.

I basically hadn’t received any support other than the Hillcrest Hospital where they had a support group similar to COPE I am not quite sure of what the group was called but they were there to help manage medication, at that time I was on Lithium and I was have a Lithium count, when I went there I would sit and talk to who ever was on duty and it wasn’t just me going there others who suffered from this illness went there for support too.

I take Lithium both morning and night, (3 in the morning 3 at night), and at the moment I am on a preventive medication which is to help to prevent the illness being server or affecting my management, when I was on Lithium it was still accruing the bouts where I go manic or the other way, so the Lithium was increased to manage this, but with that my mouth gets very dry, I have to drink lots of water.

I don’t know what the medication is for, it doesn’t help me with my mood swings and it doesn’t take away the problems with my childhood, so I am still court in the middle of grieving for my natural family and calling the Colebrook home kids my family.

I have had some support from SA Link-Up, knowing that Link-Up are their, I know I can go there any time for support and that is the only true support that I ever really had. I have had no support from my local doctor, no support from Glenside Hospital no support from Woodley House and no support from Hillcrest Hospital, which saddens me this is all the mainstream services THE WHITE SYSTEM.

I remember going to see two doctors they reminded me of Woody Allen, there was nothing ever discussed between those doctors and me of my past or about my family,

there wasn’t much known of Stolen Generations back then those sorts of issues were never discussed in mainstream outlets, if I was to go to a doctor today I can tell you I would bring it up, if I go into Link-Up I know I can bring it up, in mainstream I am just a patient, no real support, nothing at all.

There are a large number of Aboriginal people who have experience Mental Health issues I believe because of trauma suffered through removal and separation from family, land, culture and language, quite a few Aboriginal people come through Woodley House and Hillcrest we don’t get to share stories because when you go into hospital like Woodley House and Hillcrest there is no talk of the past, I see other Aboriginal people there but they like me don’t know why each are there.

Glenside was the worst hospital I went to, I was isolated from everybody, no visitors, I was thrown into a padded room I don’t know what for, I don’t know if I was violent, I do remember being thrown into the padded room, I was screaming for help and reaching out with no response. I went to Hillcrest it was a little better, it didn’t feel so confined.

There was a time I felt like a guinea pig having this tablet and that tablet, all these different tablets I was taking to try and stabilize me, I use to feel that way, when I was taking this medication I use to become quite ill and vomit, and I would be choking on my food at the same time, I couldn’t eat, I remember I vomited on the dinning room table in front of the other residence, eventually they put me on Lithium and that to can make me sick.

I do feel pretty stable at the moment with what I got in the cupboard; I can cope quite well with that even if I am depressed. It’s a ritual thing I have to take my medication in the morning, I should write a paragraph about that, in the morning at night, in the morning at night, it’s pretty frightening, particularly when you are on your own. I love living on my own don’t get me wrong, but when it reaches the point , I can get quite manic it can be very frightening, I am literally crawling on the floor throwing everything around, the house is a total mess. The damage I have done when I am manic, then all of a sudden I realise I have to ring 000 to go to hospital.

My children they are suffering too, because they see their mum going through what I’ve had to do to get myself right with medication. One time when I was I Woodley House zonked out on medication my son John said to me mum you were so out of it, I myself couldn’t remember but John told me what I was saying, the word were “WHERES MY MUM, WHERES MY MUM, I WANT MY MUM”, John said that just blew him away, he was there and heard every word, so yes I think being a member of the stolen Generation has contributed to my mental health, I am a member of the Stolen Generation and I am currently pursuing legal action, I want to be strong and share my story just as I am with you now, and what happen to me as a child, I must say my children have been very supportive through all my admissions into hospitals and Woodley House.

Woodley House is a psychiatric ward, when an emergency comes up or if I feel sick with my mood swing, I know that Woodley House is there, they know me but they still label you, you’re just a patient not a person, sometimes they might sit down with you and have a chat.

I have joined Link-Up and have had the opportunity to visit with other cultures, like Iga Warta and attend the camp to Alice Spring, it means a lot to me because its connecting more with my identity as an individual and as a Ngarrindjeri Minini and a part of my Ngarrindjeri community, learning is part of the healing journey to know my own culture and to meet and learn others, I think I am growing stronger everyday, I have managed to write 5 books 2 have been published one is a children’s book, the one I am writing now is on Bipolar to bring awareness to the wider community. That Bipolar is going to spin quite a few Psychiatrists heads, with the pain that I have suffered and endured in my through out my life and in my home alone and isolated should never have happened, there should be more follow ups with people. I feel comfortable with Nunkuwarrin Yunti because of the beautiful staff there, we learn from one and other, being heard and telling my story is important and valued by the staff.

The titles of my books came to me while I was in the psych ward of the Hill Crest Hospital, kick the tin and Bush Games and Knuckle Bones, I was writing at the same time short stories my children’s book, Bush Games and Knuckle Bones was not long been published.

When Kick the tin came out it won second prize, I was very proud of that because it is of my life as a member of the stolen Generation and connecting with my family, the writing is part of my healing, it does heal I believe that. No matter what you do its part of your healing, sitting here listening to me is part of yours and my healing; all of those things are part the healing process. Don’t be ashamed of whom you are be open about it, I am not ashamed for the breakdowns I have had in my life, and I am basically spreading the gospel of mental illness.

I can’t wait till my next book comes out “Bipolar all the way from Poland,

Can I tell you how the name came about?

Can I scream it out loud, BIPOLAR ALL THE WAY FROM POLAND

I had my local GP who was a Greek doctor I can’t mention any name but it was like here you are a script for you, with no understanding at all about my illness. One day I said I am going to Nunkuwarrin Yunti I just popped in, when I first saw the circle of arm chairs in the waiting area that gave me a sense of belonging. Ever since that I have been going back there. It has been frustrating in researching my family background and accessing records but only by going to Nunkuwarrin Yunti was I able to find my family roots and connect with my family, as a member of the Stolen Generation I appreciate Nunkuwarrin Yunti they have understanding and relate to Aboriginal people and I relate to them, it’s the best thing that ever happen.

Its hard to say how everything fits together or when it all started, I think when I went back to Murray Bridge to live for twelve years was the beginning of the connecting. With my family but unfortunately it didn’t work that way and I ended up in Adelaide very sick with Bipolar. That could have been the beginning of my illness, because of not being able to connect with my own people and culture.

I am older and wiser now; I understand more about my culture and my illness and know that the two are connected even if the experts haven’t yet recognized a connection.